- Miscellaneous -
Odd things that were published.

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Banana SMASH!!!

According to eye witnesses, a large
banana-like creature lumbered down
State Street Tuesday after-noon bellowing,
"giant banana mad, giant banana smash."
It was swatting people like flies with it's large appendage-like peels. In some instances,
scooping people up and eating them. Not
only was the loss of life extensive, but
property damage costs went into the
thousands. The four-hour rampage came
to an end when the National Guard cornered the creature and attacked it with a barrage
of missile fire.

"It was already delirious and confused, but it seemed to be getting weaker, less sure of itself. And I think those nasty rotten brown spots had something to do with it," claimed Sergeant Bernard... "That's when we decided it was time for Operation Banana Split. That Banana got really mad and killed several of our men during the assault before it thankfully expired," exclaimed the Sergeant.

"The country of Japan has experienced similar attacks by a creature called Godzilla," explained the Governor, "and their advice was to use lots of tanks and planes to bomb the countryside as a way to confuse and irritate the creature. If that tactic was good enough for Japan, then by God, it is good enough for Wisconsin."

Mrs. Thursburg, mother of three, who vigilantly snapped the accompanying photo of the banana as it was preparing to eat her son, had this to say: "It was a horrible dilemma. Take the picture or save Billy... I feel confident that I made the right decision."

Investigators traced the bananas steps back to the University of Wisconsin Horticulture labs, where, until recently, geneticists had been working on a top secret growth formula for plant life.

"This was a horrible disaster," exclaimed Chief of Operations Professor Peaches. "The experiment was going so well that we sold the formula to different agricultural firms specializing in fertilizer, but then subject 'Alpha' went berserk. We tried to restrain it, but it was just too powerful. It broke free and ate most of my staff, and then it smashed through the wall," he said, pointing to the banana shaped hole.

Other sources say that the Professor sold the formula despite warning that it was still in the experimental stage. The Professor went on to explain that subject "Alpha" gained sentience without any warning. And soon after went insane while witnessing a television commercial featuring a monkey. "It makes sense," explained the Professor, " Monkeys are bananas natural predators. It was just reacting on instinct. Who can blame it? If I were a banana, I too would go bananas." The Professor is expected to be brought up on charges and stand trial for his actions.

The Government is currently undertaking a massive project to recall fertilizers and other substances that might possibly include the formula, but some officials doubt that they will be able to recall all of it. They predict the future of agriculture to include "Mad Max-like" farm equipment, which will be customized to not only harvest the crops, but to do battle with them as well.